When are you having children?

Monday, May 9, 2016

When are you having children? Ah, the loaded question that I have encountered numerous times throughout my 20's and especially now in my 30's.

For me, it's not the question itself that bothers me. I don't have an issue with saying I don't know if I see children in my future. For me,it's the response and/or look of pity following my reply that I have the issue with.  When someone says to you "You will never know what true love feels like until you have a child." or "What is the meaning or purpose of your life if you don't have children?" or "You will be so lonely when you get older if you don't have children" puts a knot in your throat and you don't quite know how to respond.

My husband and I have been together for sixteen years and have been married for five years now. I understand the curiosity. Typically, the next natural step is to have a child. I know that I am not getting any younger and the clock is ticking, you don't have to tell me. I know how it all works. 

In my early 20's, I was trying to figure out who I was, what made me happy, what I longed for in life. 

In my mid 20's, I wanted to travel and see the world (which still has not subsided),I wanted to start saving money and to be financially independent and stable. I wanted to buy a house and have a lasting commitment to the man that had been by my side for the past ten years.   

Heading into my thirties, my friends and family had or were having children and I would be lying if I said that I did not think about it. I thought about it constantly. What it would feel like to be a mother? What type of mother I would be

When we finally thought that we might be ready I had a dramatic change I was not expecting that left me in a bit of a depression. It seemed to last forever. Any thoughts of a child went straight out the window. I was so desperately trying to fix myself emotionally and come to terms with my new normal. I did not want to worry about what was to come (or not to come for that matter) and wanted, simply, to enjoy each day as it came. It seems like when something happens to you (that you may not expect) you learn to appreciate the smallest things which I am now grateful for. 

I don't know what my future holds. If we do happen to become parents then fantastic we will take that role and relish in it. But please know, that if it does not happen for us there is no need to look at me with pity in your eyes as I have amazing people in my life and I have felt and given love. Know that, to me, my life has purpose. Know that even if I am alone when I am old and grey that I will have memories of a fulfilled well lived life full of adventure, discovery, knowledge, happiness, heartache, laughter, and love.